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A BORROWED UMBRELLA 



F 




COPYRIGHT. 1889. BY WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 



Something New, Funny and Refined. 



Prof. BAXTER'S 

Great Invention, 

OR 

OLD HlfllDS HlflDE new. 

A COMEDY-FARCE IN ONE ACT. 

By MARY B. HORNE, 

Author of "The Peak Sisters," "The Carnival of Days," "The Bc^k 
of Drills, Parts I and II," Etc. 

For three male and three female characters. Modern every-day costumes. 
Scenery of the very simplest character. Plays about an hour, or longer, 
according to specialties, songs, etc., introduced. This entertainment is a decided 
novelty and is excruciatingly funny. First-rate Irish soubrette part, and capital 
comic old man. Prof. Baxter's patent process for making old people young 
again suits everybody, both on the stage and off. 

Price, - 15 cents. 

S-STZEsTOIFSIS. 

SCENE.— Dr. Baxter's Office. Mary Ann and the Professor. A scientific break- 
fast. Patients. A sweet young thing of fifty. Mary Ann romances. The 
old dude. More patients. A back number. Getting ready for the operation. 
Roxanna and the Doctor. Greek meets Greek. Electro-motive force vs. a 
female tongue. The " gossimeres." The current begins to work. Woolley 
has a very strange feeling. Charged with electricity. " I never charge, but 
take cash down." Filling the cabinets. A little backward in coming forward. 
Dorothy's shyness. " What, get in there with two men ! " Mary Ann sacri- 
ficed to propriety. Roxanna and the Doctor again. Getting the mitten. 
" You press the button, and I'll do the rest." The current full on. Groans 
of the wounded. After the battle. Old maids and old dudes made new. 
Roxanna's work undone. " It's a deep laid plot ! " Celebrating the event. 
«' The dude who couldn't dance." Mary Ann and " The Irish Jubilee." It is 
in the air and Roxanna catches it. A terrible catastrophe. The deaf old 
.•*' gentlemen gets overdone. The Professor adopts the old infant. Marrying 
and giving in marriage. The " invention " pronounced a grand success. 



Walter H. Baker & Co., 23 Winter St., Boston. 



BORROWED UMBRELLA 



% (fometiietta in ©ne &ct 



ESTHER B. TIFFANY 

Author of "A Model Lovek," "A Rice Pudding," "The Way to His 

Pocket," " Anita's Trial," " An Autograph Letter," 

"That Patrick," "Young Mr. 

Pritchard," etc. 



BOSTON 



zy.u f y 



^^///^ir^ 



1893 

k 



CHARACTERS. 



MR. WILSON, married. 

< 



MR. GRAHAM, bachelor. / jy ' 



MRS. WILSON, married. 

MISS EVELYN WAITES, spinster. 

THE UMBRELLA, divorced. 



Scene. — A room in Wilson's country house. 
Costumes. — Modern. 




Copyright, 1893, by Walter H. Baker & Co. 



A BORROWED UMBRELLA. 



Scene. — The drawing-room of Mr. Wilson's country house. 
Wilson, Graham, and Mrs. Wilson discovered. 

Wilson. What a deluge ! If only you had sent us word, 
Graham ! The idea of you, with your cough, walking up from the 
station ! 

Graham. I have no cough. 

Wil. And by what chance did you provide yourself with an 
umbrella? 

Gra. I didn't provide myself with an umbrella. 

Wil. Who did then? 

Gra. The queerest piece of luck ! Why, a friend of yours 
came up to me at the station, and asked if I wouldn't do her the 
kindness — she had evidently heard me ask the ticket agent where 
your house was — of carrying back a borrowed umbrella. 

Mrs. W. A borrowed umbrella ? I don't recall any one borrow- 
ing an umbrella lately. 

Gra. A wretched little, flimsy, woman's affair ! But it saved 
my hat. 

Mrs. W. Now, who could it have been ? How was she dressed? 

Wil. To ask Graham how a woman was dressed ! 

Gra. Oh, like anybody. 

Mrs. W. What kind of a hat? 

Gra. Not so queer as they usually make them. Something 
fluffy round the brim. I recall — 

Mrs. W. Feathers? 

Gra. Perhaps. No — not feathers — no, it was a curly sort of 
mat of hair, and it danced about in the wind. 

Wil. Curls in a rain-storm ! That ought to help you, Katy. 

Mrs. W. It does. It's Eve, of course. I knew it from the 
start. 

Wil. If ever you find a girl revelling in a rain-storm, Graham, 
you may know her hair curls by nature. But when did Eve borrow 
an umbrella? It hasn't rained for a month. 
' Mrs. W. O Ned ! Don't you see? 

Wil. See? What? 

Gra. What is it we are to see? 



4 A BORROWED UMBRELLA. 

Mrs. W. And to think that you both are considered really un- 
usually clever men ! 

Wil. Don't smirk, Graham ! That's not a compliment. But 
let's take a look at the umbrella in question. Here it stands, 
dripping and mysterious. Why, that's not your umbrella, Katy ! 

Mrs. W. Indeed? {To Graham.) How did you leave your 
sister ? 

WlL. " E. M. W." in a monogram on the handle. "E. M. 
W " ? Why, Evelyn Monk Waites ! How came Eve to send you 
her own umbrella, Katy? 

Mrs. W. {aside). Hush, Ned ! 

Wil. {going to door). Ah, here's Nellie with a note. {Reading 
note.) "Please send my umbrella by Nellie, and don't for worlds 
ever let Mr. Graham know" — Ah, what's this ? 

Mrs. W. Give me the note, Ned — it's for me. 

Wil. {lattghing). No! that's too good! Here, Nellie, take 
Miss Evelyn's umbrella. 

Gra. Ever let Mr. Graham know what ? 

Mrs. W. Oh, never mind ! And you think of trying Asheville, 
Mr. Graham? {To Wilson.) Do be still. 

Wil. No ; but you must hear — listen. 

Mrs. W. Ned, I insist ! 

Gra. And I insist too. 

Wil. {reading). " Ever let Mr. Graham know my little trick." 

Gra. "Trick!" 

Wil. {reading.) " I knew when I heard him asking for your 
place who he must be, and there wasn't a sign of old Saunder's 
hack, and he was coughing so, and looking so wretched " — 

Mrs. W. {aside). Ned ! 

Wil. " So — so — ahem — that I had not the heart to let him go off 
in the rain, so laid my little trap, into which he walked as neatly as 
you please." 

Gra. "Her little trap!" 

Wil. {reading). " I had on my ulster and cap, and got home as 
dry as one of Ned's jokes." Take care, Miss Eve ! 

Gra. Outrageous ! 

Wil. You don't seem to see the joke ! 

Gra. Joke? It's an insult a — Where does she live? She 
must apologize — she shall apologize, if she is a woman ! 

Mrs. W. And these are all the thanks poor Eve gets ! 

Gra. {in great excitement) . But to walk up to a defenceless 
stranger and deliberately to lie to him ! Make him fancy he is 
doing her a favor, when all the while — 

Mrs. W. Deliberately lie ? I don't believe Eve told the ghost 
of a fib. 

Wil. No, not the ghost. You are not married, Graham. You 
do not understand these feminine subtleties. 

Mrs. W. I don't believe, even, that she called it a borrowed 
umbrella. I am sure she only said that, as you were going to her 



A BORROWED UMBRELLA. 5 

friends, the Wilsons', would you be so kind as to take this 
umbrella. 

Gra. {reluctantly'). It was something to that effect. 

Mrs. W. There, I told you so ! 

Gra. You don't seem to see that that makes it all the worse. 
And she was such a particularly innocent-looking girl ! 

Wil. That was what the serpent thought. 

Gra. Such especially candid, frank, large, gray eyes. 

Wil. Ah, we were not quite so blind after all ! 

GRA. With black lashes. 

Wil. (aside). Better and better. 

Gra. And a few freckles on the bridge of her nose. 

Wil. (aside). Oh, you' will do very well. 

Gra. (meditatively). I don't know why a Scattering of freckles 
on the bridge of a nose should give such 'an artless and innocent 



air 



Wil. Yes, freckles, in the inverse ratio to their size and num- 
ber, are dangerous. 

Gra. And to think of my saying, " Oh, no trouble at all,""and 
grinning like an ass. 

Wil. Yes, whichever way you look at it, it's delightful. 

Gra. What do you suppose she thought of me? 

Wil. I can tell you exactly. It's all in the postscript. 

Mrs. W. Now, Ned ! 

Wil. The gist of a woman's letter you know. (Reads.) 
" P. S. — I am glad I am going off, for I could see by the way Mr. 
Graham looked that he quite disapproved of me." 

Gra. Going off! 

Wil. Which translated into plain English means, " I am quite 
too awfully sorry that I shall miss Mr. Graham's visit, as I saw 
plainly enough he took a violent fancy to me." Eh, Katy? 

Mrs. W. You are too bad ! 

Gra. What is she going away for now? I thought this was 
just the height of the season at Reedbrook. She ought to be told 
how outrageous her conduct was. 

Wil. I'll tell her, with your compliments. 

Gra. No ; but I meant propose — 

Wil. Not this time, Graham. You'll have to wait. But I 
approve of your choice. Eve is a nice girl. By all means ask 
Eve. 

Eve (appearing at door). By all means ask Eve. 

Wil. Why, Eve ! 

Mrs. W. Dear me, Eve ! 

Eve. What is it that Eve is to be asked? 

Mrs. W. (hastily). Eve, let me present Ned's college friend, 
Mr. Graham. Mr. Graham, Miss Waites. 

Wil. By the way, Graham, from your description it just occurs 
to me that this may be the very young lady for whom you kindly 
brought back Katy's umbrella. 



A BORROWED UMBRELLA. 

Gra. Yes — I — I— • 

Wil. You need not have been in such a hurry, Eve ; I have 
two umbrellas, and I don't in the least mind lending Katy my old 
one. 

Mrs. W. {hastily). All packed, dear? 

Eve. No, indeed. -I just ran up to — 

Wil. See that Katy got her umbrella safely. Yes, she did. It 
is a valuable one. The monogram alone is worth — 

Eve {aside). O Katy, you didn't — 

Wil. But I don't approve, myself, of trusting unknown parties 
with valuable property. As Graham and I were just saying, 
appearances are deceptive. 

Eve. Come, Ned, I haven't a moment to spare. Father sent 
me up for the Tyler title-deeds, and then I must run home and 
pack. 

Wil. Tyler title-deeds ? Let's see, Katy, where are my keys ? 

Mrs. W. Helpless creature ! {Exeunt Wilson and Mrs. Wil- 
son.) 

Eve. You are to make quite a visit here, are you not? 

Gra. {visibly embarrassed ) . I hardly know — I — are you to 
be long away ? 

Eve. Six months. 

Gra. Six months ! 

Eve. Yes ; in Montreal. I leave to-morrow on the nine 
o'clock express. 

Gra. {with sudden inspiration). Montreal ? I have a cousin 
in Montreal. 

Eve. Have you ? 

Gra. Yes. I haven't seen him for years. We were boys 
together. 

Eve. How hard these separations are ! 

Gra. {warming to the subject). There wasn't a scrape in the 
whole district but we were in it together. Chums in college, too. 
Why, yes, it's full ten years since I've seen old Tom. 

Eve. Is he a good correspondent? 

Gra. Well — not very. 

{Enter Wilson and Mrs. Wilson.) 

Wil. Here, Eve. 

Eve. Thanks. Now I must run. Good-by, Mr. Graham ; 
good-by, Katy dear. Oh, what was it, though, that I was to have 
been asked ? 

Wil. I was merely suggesting — 

Mrs. W. Ned was only proposing — 

Gra. That as I am going to Montreal on the nine o'clock to- 
morrow, I might be permitted to escort you. 

Wil. Why — {Checks himself.) 

Mrs. W. You don't — 



A BORROWED UMBRELLA. 7 

Eve. Oh, you are going to see your cousin ? 

Wil. What cousin have you in Montreal, Graham? 

Gra. {hesitating). Tom Cutler. 

Wil {amazed). Tom Cutler ! 

Gra. {severely). Yes ; Tom Cutler. 

Wil. Oh, ah, yes, to be sure, Tom Cutler. {Aside.) As I 
remarked before, you'll do very well. 

Eve. Mr. Graham has not seen his cousin for ten years. 

Wil. No ; I doubt if many of Tom's friends have seen him 
very lately. {Aside to Mrs. W.) Forged, you know. 

Gra. {to Eve). You have not said — 

Eve. Why, with pleasure, Mr. Graham. 

Wil. Well, all I can say is, Graham, that if you are going to 
Montreal to-morrow to see Tom Cutler, I wish you joy ! 

CURTAIN. 



Something for "Secret Societies." 



JOINING THE TINPMITES, 

OR, PADDY MCFLING'S EXPERIENCE. 

(PART I.) 

A MOCK INITIATION. 

FOR TMK AMUSEMENT AND INSTRUCTION OF SECRET SOCIETIES. ADAFTID TO ALL 

ORDERS, AND CONTAINING NOTHING TO OFFEND ANY 

SECRET ORGANIZATION. 

By David Hill, 

Author of " Forced to the War," " Bound by an Oath," " Out of his Sphere," 
"Placer Gold," "The Granger," etc. 

For thirteen male characters and supers. Scenery unimportant, the 
stage representing the interior of a lodge-room. Costumes, burlesque regalia. 
Plays forty-five minutes. This is an uproarously funny travestie of the forms 
of initiation, and is just the thing for a lodge-room entertainment. Any number 
*i men can assist as members, etc. 

Price, . . . 15 cents. 



By the Author of " A Box of Monkeys." 

The Corner-Lot Chorus- 

A FARCE IN ONE ACT. 

F0R • FEMALE • CHARACTERS • 0NL2Y 
By Grace Livingston Furniss. 

Ab Originally Performed by "The Twelfth -Night Club," at the 
Lyceum Theatre, New York, on May 7, 1891. 

Seven female characters who speak, and ten Jury Gins. Costumes, moilei >> 
and tasteful. Scenery of little or no importance. Plays about forty minutes. 
This clever little piece, by the author of "A Box of Monkeys," satirizes with 
a two-edged blade a foolish social exclusiveness and the weak side of amateur 
actors, and with bright and clever performers is a sure success. It affords a 
chance for elegant dressing, if desired, and for telling local hits. In its original 
psrformance by professional actresses it was a laughing success. 

Price, ... 35 cents. 



ANOTHER "COUNTRY SCHOOL." 



THE OLD-FASHIONED 





AN OLD FOLKS ENTERTAINMENT IN ONE SCENE. 



By NETTIE H. PELHAM. 



For eleven male and five female characters, and as many more as desired. 
Scene, the interior of a barn, easily arranged ; costumes, old fashioned. Plays 
forty minutes or more, accordingto number of songs and specialties introduced. 
Very easy to get up, and very funny. An excellent introduction for a dance, 
Bupper or sociable, where a mixed entertainment is desired. 
Price, .... 15 Cents. 

SYNOPSIS: 
SCENE. — Uncle Nathan's barn. Bobby and Scipio. In black and white. A 
few conundrums. " Silence am gold." Gathering of the neighbors. Music 
and fun. Thomas Jefferson is heard from. " Von leedle song," by Solomon 
Levi. Betsy and Josiah. A leap-year courtship. Algernon Fitznoodle and 
Little Lord Fauntleroy. The dude and the darling. Fitznooi'.le takes a 
tumble. Patrick and Ah Sin. Kace prejudices. Harmony out of discord. 
Music. Betsy and the swing. A little mistake. Betsy recites. The 
Humaniphoue. Pat and Kitty. The red ear. " Hurrah for supper ! " 



A DOUBLE SHUFFLE. 



.A, COIMIEm-X" I3sT OIsTIE ACT, 



By HARRY O. HANLON. 



Three male and two female characters. Scenery and costumes very simple. 
An admirable little parlor piece, playing about thirty-five minutes. Fred 
Somers, a collegian, with a taste for practical joking, tries to play a little joke 
on his sister and his fiancee, but they succeed in turning the tables completely 
upon him and his two college chums. Very bright and amusing. A sure kit. 

Price, .... 15 Cents. 



TWO NEW PLAYS FOR CHILDREN. 



MISS MATILDA'S SCHOOL 

A Comic Operetta for Boys and Girls. 
By GERTRUDE MANLY JONES. 

Suitable for parlor or school entertainments. The music selected from famil- 
iar and popular airs. One female ( adult ) and any number of children. Scene, 
a school-room ; costumes, easy. This is a very amusing piece, and sure to please 
the children. Plays thirty-five minutes. 

Price. 15 cents. 



HALF AN HOUR WITH A GIANT. 

A Holiday Operetta for Children. 
By GERTRUDE MANLY JONES. 

Adapted to familiar and popular airs. For almost any number of boys and 
girls Scenery, unimportant; costumes easy. This is not only a very amusing 
and entertaining piece, but it teaches, as well, a very impressive and useful lesson. 
Plays half an hour. 

Price. 15 cents. 



TWO NEW PLAYS FOR LADIES. 



MY AUNT'S HEIRESS. 

A Comedy in One Act. 

FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS ONLY. 

Eleven female characters, two of whom are children. Scene, a simple inte- 
rior ; costumes, modern. This amusing piece is well adapted for school perform- 
ance, its humor being abundant and refined. Plays one hour. 
Price, 15 cents. 



A WONDERFUL CURE. 

A Farce in One Act. 

FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS ONLY. 

Four girls. Scene, an easy interior ; costumes, modern. A very lively and 
amusing little piece for parlor or stage performance. Plays forty-five minutes. 
Price, 15 cent*. 



A New Comedy. 



COUNSEL FOR THE PLAINTIFF. 

A COMEDY IN TWO ACTS. 

By ST. CLAIR HURD. 

For four male and five female characters. Scenery, two Interiors, 
easily arranged ; costumes modern and simple. Plays an hour and a 
half. This little piece has more plot than is usual in plays of its length, 
and works up to an exciting climax. Solomon Nathan is a capital 
comedy part, and Phineas Phunnel and Phoebe Stopper excellent eccen- 
tric character parts. This piece has been many times successfully per- 
formed from manuscript. 

Price .... 15 cents. 



FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS ONLY. 



A YISION OF FAIR WOMEN. 

A DRAMATIC PARAPHRASE IN ONE SCENE, 
Based upon Tennyson's " Dream of Fair Women." 

By EDITH LYNWOOD WINN. 

(As presented by the Polymnla Society, of Shorter College, 
Borne, 6a., April, 1889.) 

Thirty-nine girls are called for by the full text of this excellent 
entertainment, besides the " Dreamer " who has the vision ; but a 
smaller number may be used, at pleasure, by simply reducing the num- 
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entertainment, and by giving a large number of pretty girls a chance to 
look their best, is sure to please them and every one else. 

Price .... 15 cents. 



WHO'S TO INHERIT? 

A COMEDY IN ONE ACT. 
FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS ONLY. 

For nine female characters. Scene, an easy interior; costumes, 
modern and simple. Margery is a "rough diamond," who always speaks 
her mind. Miss Chatter, Miss Pry and Miss Nicely are a very amusing 
t^io of gossips, to whom Mrs. Fitzfudge's sharp tongue is a terror. 

Price .... 15 cents. 



GEORGE M. BAKER'S PLA 

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Grandpa's Birthday. In One Act. Words by Dexter Smith; 
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Jimmy, The Newsboy. In One Act. Written and composed by 
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Beans and Buttons. In One Act. Words by W.u. H. Lepere; 
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Hunt the Thimble. In One Act. Words by A. G. Lewis; music by 
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Red Riding Hood's Rescue. In Four Scenes. Words by J. F. 
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Golden Hair and the Three Bears. In Five Scenes. By J. Astor 
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